


young, dumb, broke high school kids

by hotgirl



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Graduation, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Pining, Unrequited Love, mild sakukarin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22870015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotgirl/pseuds/hotgirl
Summary: Sakura is a day away from graduating when Sasuke plays the "Yuri Kochiyama" card. — sakura/ino, sasuke/narutoor: the booksmart au that no one asked for or wanted
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura/Yamanaka Ino, Karin & Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 18
Kudos: 61





	young, dumb, broke high school kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so far from good im very sorry but #noregrats
> 
> also, this wasn't commissioned but i am dedicating this to kaiden!! thank you so much!! this probs won't be the last thing i dedicate to you!!
> 
> title comes from khalid's [young dumb & broke](https://genius.com/Khalid-young-dumb-and-broke-lyrics)

When Sakura wakes up on her last day of high school, she takes her meds with kombucha even though she hates kombucha. There's a note and a bag of grapes from her mom who won't be up for another hour.

_Dear Sakura, have a berry grape last day of school! Get it? They're non-GMO grapes! Your dad and I are so proud of you. We can't believe we got you through high school already. We love you so much! xoxo, Mom <3 P.S. Don't forget to brush your teeth. I just bought new coconut oil toothpaste._

Her mom is very white. And a hippy. Sakura has to buy deodorant with aluminum in it in secret. Her full name means fucking cherry blossom in a spring field. That bullshit combined with her giant forehead, she's had a lot to overcome.

Sakura cuffs her denim jacket, traces over the feminist patches littering it, and pulls the collar of her Western shirt out from under her sweater vest. She takes one last look in her bedroom mirror. This is it. She's eighteen and about to be a real adult who can say she's double majoring in biology and women's studies now. She leaves, feeling content with her high school career. Except for that one fucking absence that cheated her out of valedictorian.

Fucking Sasuke Uchiha stole that from her. She's picking him up from his stupid guillotine-worthy townhouse like she has every day since sophomore year anyway.

Her car is a piece of shit from the 1970s. It has been since she bought it second-hand off of some stupid app during junior year. She knows this and Sasuke knows that she knows this. He still feels the need to remind her when she honks as he makes his way down his driveway.

"You love my shitty car," she tells him, cranking the radio obnoxiously and stepping out, "you look hot!"

Hot is debatable. Sasuke is wearing a very geeky plaid on plaid with a turtleneck sweater. "I know," he says anyways. Then he groans. "This is a nice neighborhood. Don't fucking dance. Sakura, I swear to God."

She grabs his hands to make him dance _with_ her. He can't believe this is his best friend, but it is so he lets her get away with this. He even lets her kind of drag him into the street with her.

Then some annoying (but right) asshole honks at them.

"Sorry!" She yells, scurrying out of the road.

Silently, Sasuke flips the driver off before stepping back onto the sidewalk to get into the shitty car. He grins just a bit when the other driver honks more aggressively before driving off. "Are we getting El Burrito Jr. or not, jizun?"

"I'm too whitewashed to know what that means," Sakura says, "but I assume you're insulting me and I should kill you." Then she gets in, buckles up, and pulls away from the curb. "Okay, okay, so Lizzo or Mitski?" She asks, fidgeting very illegally with her phone.

He stares at her for a moment. Then he asks, "... what the fuck is up with those choices?"

"Well, I'm not sure if we wanna be, like, a little bit slutty for our last day or if we wanna cry in my car," she explains.

"Or we can listen to my music," he says, pulling his phone out.

The breaks screech. Quietly, Sakura says, "I will die before I listen to Yeezus again."

**/**

Sakura pulls into Sasuke's senior class president parking spot and steps out only to bounce in place. He puts his hand on her head to keep her still.

Once they're in the building, he says, "we have to yell at Kakashi about the end of the year budget. Otherwise he might actually enjoy his day."

Kakashi is technically Principal Hatake. Not a single student in the graduating class respects him enough to call him that.

"We're not yelling," Sakura insists.

The truth is that she's more excited to yell at that depressed old bastard than Sasuke is. She drags him through the halls and even elbows a few unfortunate underclassmen to get to Kakashi's office. Sakura knocks very loudly and aggressively before Sasuke gets the chance. He knocks as an afterthought anyway.

Kakashi sighs just as loudly when he opens the door. "Haven't you taken enough from me? Can't you just go off to Yale and then die?" He asks. Like always, he doesn't pull down the surgical mask. It makes Sakura want to just yank it off and see his dumb face.

Sasuke scoffs. "Not even close. I want to make sure the transition between classes goes smoothly so we need to go over the budget. Also, you're not supposed to say where we're going. It's against class policy, Kakashi." Then, not even under his breath, he adds, "God, I hate you and I don't respect you."

Sakura smiles like a fucking sycophant and waves away Sasuke's statement. "He's kidding, Principal Hatake! We respect you so much; we're just worried about the juniors! I mean, their treasurer is Hinata Hyuuga and I heard she got a B in pre-calc, talk about underachieving. Can she even count?"

Ten minutes ago, she told Sasuke that she's never respected anyone less than she respects Kakashi Hatake. Like always, Sakura is trying to hide what an absolute cunt she is while actively being an absolute cunt. Sasuke thinks it's kind of hilarious.

"Look, I'm tired. It's the last day of school. Talk to Sai about it; he's your VP," Kakashi sighs.

"Sai is an asshole twunk who wanted to be vice president so he could plan school dances," Sasuke dismisses, "also, I don't hate him as much as I hate you."

Sakura covers his mouth almost violently. "Isn't Sasuke funny? I don't know why he'd joke about that right now though! Can you just take ten minutes of your day to figure this out with us? It's very important and I might actually cry if you don't," she says sweetly.

Kakashi slams the door in their faces.

Under her breath, she hisses, "that motherfucking geriatric cunt."

**/**

The highlight of every school day this year has been their AP Lit class. The teacher, Ms. Senju, is a perpetually hungover asshole who brazenly hates half her class.

Sakura transferred at the beginning of the school year because Sasuke loved her so much.

"7:20," she announces when she sees them come in. She's holding up the crossword section of the local paper proudly.

Sakura gapes adoringly. Like cult-follower level adoring. She's considered "disappearing" her parents so Ms. Senju can adopt her way on more than one occasion. Then again, her dad is a Republican.

"No way!" Sakura gasps, "9:43!"

"The hag did it sober this time," Sasuke snips, "9:25."

"Don't brag, shit stain," Sakura hisses and glares at him.

Ms. Senju laughs. "Who's gonna entertain me when you two brats leave? Jesus, forget the crosswords; the rest of these losers I teach suck ass," she says.

"Well, next year, we're gonna do the crosswords over Skype since Sasuke's gonna be in New Haven and I'll be in New York," Sakura says, bragging only slightly.

Ms. Senju approves. She loves what an ambitious, prideful freak Sakura is. She caught the pink-haired girl chewing her wrist during AP testing and laughed about how fucking neurotic and deranged she is.

"Maybe we can email you our times?" Sakura suggests.

"I've got a better idea. I'll give you my number and you can call me to keep me entertained," she says.

Sakura looks ready to pass out so Sasuke takes initiative and hands Ms. Senju his phone. "Sakura can copy it from my contacts," he says. He gets an elbow in his kidney in thanks. "Shut up, android user," he tells Sakura, "you'll still get her number."

An aggressively blonde girl in a fringe jacket and a dress code breaking bralette turns to them. "I thought there were no cell phones in class or do ass-kissers get a free pass?"

"Bite me, Triple-A," Sasuke deadpans.

Sakura elbows his other kidney. "Your misogyny is showing!" She snarls.

"Everyone calls her that. She gave 'roadside assistance' to three seniors last year," he says flatly.

"But no one slut-shames them!" She hisses. Sakura elbows him again, then puts on her sickly sweet smile and says, "sorry about him, Ino! His parents died and his weirdo brother raised him so he's got no manners, really."

Ino licks her lips.

The sight makes Sakura gulp. Her hands twitch uselessly at her sides and her face turns as pink as her hair as she stares at Ino's stupid pretty mouth.

Ino smirks. "It's fine. I can't believe you scored your teacher's phone number — _nice_ ," she hums, sitting down at her desk.

In eighth grade, Lee told Sakura she was beautiful and she almost cried. In tenth grade, Kiba said she had a nice ass and she did cry. The entire senior class knows how easily flustered she is. Ino especially loves making fun of that.

Sasuke shoots her his dirtiest look for it.

Then a dumb blonde guy bursts into the classroom — _Naruto_.

Sasuke's gaze swaps focus immediately. Naruto is loud and obnoxious and both his parents are in congress, so even though he should have failed the seventh grade, he's graduating with the class of 2019. He also tries too fucking hard to get everyone else to like him.

Especially Sakura.

Sasuke _hates_ that. Not because he's jealous, God no. Sakura is a lesbian and Sasuke is a raging homosexual. There's nothing to be jealous of. He just wishes Naruto would fuck off instead of being such a desperate loser.

"You're not in this class," Ms. Senju deadpans, "get the fuck out."

"You're so mean, Granny Tsunade! I'm your great-great-nephew! Besides, I put together gift bags for everyone! Happy end of high school, I love you assholes! Look, I made these shirts with my face on them!" Naruto, who is very much a Libra, exclaims.

Ms. Senju chucks a stapler at him. "I'm only your great-aunt, moron!"

Naruto pouts. Once he recovers from that, he starts passing out the gift bags complete with the shirt.

Sakura is the only one who accepts it awkwardly and thanks him. Sasuke vehemently rejects it. Ino chucks her shirt at her friend, Shikamaru, but keeps the gift bag for herself.

"No one wants this shit," Suigetsu says.

Naruto kicks the desk. "Shut up, bastard. I gotta get to class, bye, Sakura, bye, Sasuke." He bails before anyone else can hurt his feelings anymore. 

Sasuke shifts uncomfortably. Why does Naruto always say goodbye to _him_? Sakura he obviously has some pathetic, never-in-a-million-years crush on but what the fuck did Sasuke do to deserve this?

Suigetsu gets up and closes the door as the bell rings. "Okay, assholes," he starts.

"Language," Ms. Senju says.

His best friend/boyfriend(?) Juugo claps a hand to his shoulder. "The drama department's summer program this year is Shakespeare in the park...ing lot," he smiles.

"We're performing some stupid tragedies as comedies. I'm directing and maybe Juugo will star. Gotta audition first," Suigetsu yawns, "so show the fuck up." He passes out flyers with Juugo.

Sakura glances at the dates. "That sounds really cool but I can't go. I'm gonna be in Botswana. Sorry!" Half of her means that apology. The other half of her hates Suigetsu relentlessly.

"What the fuck is Botswana and why does this scene bitch think it excuses her from watching my shows? Tell your fag hag to support the arts," Suigetsu says to Sasuke.

"I don't dye my hair!" Sakura exclaims.

Everyone ignores this outburst and even Sasuke only half believes her.

"Botswana is a country in Africa. Sakura's going to teach people to make their own tampons," Sasuke semi-brags and semi-rolls his eyes, "and I can't go because I'm working all summer. Also, I hate you and everything you stand for."

Suigetsu smacks his Hydro Flask on Sasuke's desk loudly. "Wanna blow me after school?" He asks.

Sakura chucks her eraser at him. It bounces off sadly. They both stare at it on the ground.

"Pick that up, Suigetsu," Ms. Senju. Then she whacks the projector on. "Okay, shit heads, let's finish The Devil Wears Prada. No, Sasuke, put your hand down, we're watching this. Sakura, get the lights. Everyone shut the hell up."

**/**

Naruto can admit that his cousin Karin is objectively batshit crazy. Especially right now that she's making him drive up on the sidewalk so she can do a Princess Diana-style goodbye wave to all their classmates while hanging out the window of his car, which is very much not a convertible.

His tires are skirting on the grass when he starts chewing his lip nervously. "I think this is illegal," he says, "maybe you can just, um, walk up to people?"

"Aunt Kushina is a _senator_ , so, actually, I get to be Princess Diana," she snaps.

The car keeps crawling along the sidewalk as Karin waves to their peers. He catches a glimpse of Sasuke and Sakura sitting together. Sakura looks zoned out and Sasuke looks irritated about it.

"Step on it!" Karin shouts, so he does.

Sakura and Sasuke glance his way at the sound of his engine roaring. They both look disgusted. Naruto thinks Sakura says something like "bring out the guillotine" but he can't be sure. He definitely hears Sasuke say, "eat the rich!" though. He wishes they liked him.

Especially Sasuke.

Naruto thinks he would do anything for Sasuke to like him. Not that he's, like, gay or anything. He definitely has a crush on Sakura. But she _is_ gay which sucks. Not that he's homophobic, either! His moms would _kill_ him if he was.

"God! Pull over, Naruto!" Karin yells. She's a loud person.

"What's wrong, cuz?" He asks.

She climbs out of the passenger seat and onto his fucking roof. "I'm fucking spent," she huffs as she sprawls out on the car's roof, "I'm taking a _fat_ nap!"

**/**

If there's anything Sasuke can't stand, it's watching Sakura pine after that dumb jock Tenten. And Naruto. And Kakashi. And Suigetsu. And Sai. And — okay, there's a lot of things. But right now he's sitting with Sakura who's making dumb love-struck eyes at Tenten. Tenten who's catching french fries Sai and Lee throw into her mouth.

He throws a french fry at her.

Unlike Tenten, she doesn't catch it in her mouth. Instead, she blinks stupidly and looks around. It's kind of sad. "Did something hit me?" She asks.

He rolls his eyes at her. "You know I think Tenten has no personality," he starts.

She deflates and rests her chin on her folded arms. "Here we go again," she sighs, "she's nice! And cute and she's just like... I don't know. I wanna have sleepovers with her. And kiss her."

"You can have sleepovers with me. We can work the kissing out too," he says.

"We're both gay," she points out.

"Irrelevant. Watching you make faces at her is physically painful. Just ask her out already," Sasuke flicks another fry at her.

She lets it hit her again. This time, she eats it after. "I don't even know if she likes girls, fuck face," she grumbles. Sakura steals a handful of his fries and eats them very angrily. He lets her.

"She plays softball," he ducks when Sakura tries to smack him for that, "she wore a pantsuit to junior prom and a _men's_ suit to senior prom. Her best friends are two bi guys. If you weren't such a useless lesbian, you'd be scissoring her right now. Or whatever girls do."

Sakura buries her face in her hands to hide how red it is. "Scissoring isn't real, oh my God!"

"If you talk to her, I'll stop," he tells her.

She gets up, face still red, and marches away from their table over to Tenten.

Sasuke can't hear them from here but it's painful to watch whatever stupid game Tenten, Sai, and Lee were playing stop because of Sakura. It's worse when they don't leave so Sakura has to shove her foot in her mouth in front of them. He watches as she gets more and more flustered.

Lee says something that makes her take a step away from the holy trinity of dumb jocks.

Then Tenten grabs Sakura's hands and says something that Sakura definitely doesn't know how to respond to. Sasuke knows before it even happens that Sakura says something incredibly stupid in response. When she walks back in shame, he slow claps for her.

She slumps down onto their table. "... She said we should go to Sai's party."

"And then you embarrassed yourself?" He asks.

"And then I embarrassed myself," she confirms.

Sasuke gets up and says, "I'm going to your gay bathroom." Said bathroom is the gender neutral one Sakura petitioned for sophomore year after a trans girl got bullied for using the girl's bathroom. 

"It's trans inclusive!" Sakura yells after him, "gay is not an umbrella term!"

**/**

Ino has been having a great last day of school - except for her AP Lit class. So she goes into the gender neutral bathroom with Kiba and Shikamaru entirely to talk shit in private. She's mean, but she's not a _bully_. Even if she does make fun of Sakura, they used to be friends. Sakura should know she doesn't mean it, like, vindictively.

Sasuke is different. It would be shitty to say crap in front of his stupid uptight ass.

"No, seriously, fuck, marry, kill: Sasuke Uchiha, a porcupine, or a Donald Trump sex doll," she laughs.

Kiba makes a face. "Shit, okay... fuck the Trump doll, marry the porcupine, and, oh, shit, I've gotta kill Sasuke," he says.

Shikamaru shakes his head at him.

"I'm serious! I can't fuck Sasuke and I don't wanna marry the dude! Like, look, no homo, I'd marry a dude. Ino, shut up! Seriously, no homo, but I'd marry, like, Sai. Dude's gorgeous. Anyway, if I was gonna marry a dude, Sasuke's not my type. Too uptight and we'd fight all the time. And I can't fuck him, again, no homo, but I'm open to fucking a dude, just not one with that personality," Kiba explains, "like, he's cute or whatever, but imagine sex with him!"

Ino is almost shaking with laughter now.

Shikamaru is staring at Kiba like he can't believe this shit. "Kiba, being willing to fuck or marry another dude is gay. You can't no homo that kind of thing," he deadpans.

"No, I'm very straight," Kiba says. "Shut up, Ino!"

"I couldn't fuck him either. Aside from me being straight, Sasuke is really annoying," Shikamaru sighs.

"Not very meninist of you to not like men," Ino tells him.

Shikamaru rolls his eyes, "I'm not a meninist. Blow me."

Ino laughs and sits up on the broken sink. "Sasuke has a bad personality. Like, oh my God, stop being such a fucking Leo all the time," she quips, "I bet he'd, like, make taking 3 AP classes a pre-req to fuck him."

Even Kiba stops being upset about how very gay what he said was to laugh at that. Then the handicap stall door opens and Sasuke Uchiha him-fucking-self comes out of it. And, shit, this is exactly what Ino wanted to avoid. She's about to start apologizing when he smiles like a psychopath.

He walks up to the sink next to Ino, washes his hands, and straightens his blazer in the mirror with a giant vagina drawn on it. Then, he turns to look at them. "It would be at least 5 AP classes, Triple A," he says, "and no, I'm not gonna stop being such a Leo. Being a Leo gave me the confidence and drive to become valedictorian. And this time next year, it's gonna be the thing that gets me a dozen job offers. Well, that and making the Dean's List and, uh, the fact that I'm going to Yale. I hope being, what again? A fucking Libra? Yeah, I hope that and not having the standards to only fuck people who've taken APs is working out for you."

With that, he turns to leave.

With that, Ino loses any fucking sympathy she had for this tool. "I'm also going to Yale," she scoffs, "yeah, I got in early, actually." She smirks when she sees his face crumble.

"What?" He asks.

"I'm going to Yale," she says, slow and loud, "yeah, I took AP blowjobs but I also got a 1580 on the SAT. That's... 10 points higher than what you got, right? Sorry, I just remember hearing Sakura yell about you being valedictorian when she got a perfect score and you didn't."

Sasuke's jaw clenches. Everyone had heard him fighting with Sakura about him getting valedictorian over her. They had identical GPAs, except Sasuke initially got a B in the first semester of freshman year Honors Bio, but Mr. Orochimaru let him do extra credit to bump it up to an A. It's still a touchy subject.

"Hey, Kiba, you're going to Stanford, right?" She asks, arms crossed.

Kiba scratches his face uncomfortably. "Uh, yeah," he says, "I got a soccer scholarship."

"Shikamaru, where are you going again? I totally forgot, I'm such a dumb blonde," she laughs.

"MIT," he sighs, "stop being a dick, Ino, he gets it. We're all smart."

Sasuke grits his teeth. "You guys don't even care about school," he hisses.

"No, we just don't only care about school," Ino snarls before he storms out. She almost feels bad in the aftermath. Then she sees where Sasuke corrected the grammar of the graffiti in the handicap stall. What a fucking asshole.

**/**

After barreling out of the gay bathroom, Sasuke almost elbows Sakura out of his way to run up to Sai at his locker. "What school are you going to?" He demands, gripping Sai by the neck of his crop top.

"Isn't talking about that against class policy, Sasuke?" Sai smiles back.

He shakes him a little. "Just tell me!"

"Cal-Arts for animation," Sai says.

"Fuck." Sasuke lets him go and runs over to Karin at her locker. He spins her around. "Karin, where are you going next year?"

"You're gonna say something bitchy. Look, it was my fifth choice, but Harvard," she huffs out.

He sprints off to Lee. "Lee! Where the fuck are you going next year?" He demands before he's even at Lee's locker.

"Oh, I'm going to UCLA on a basketball scholarship!" He smiles.

"What the fuck? Aren't any of you going to shitty schools?" Sasuke demands.

Lee shrugs. "All my friends got into good schools. We have a study group," he admits, "why are you so upset, Sasuke? You should be happy for your peers! We all did very well!"

Sasuke's gone before Lee can finish talking. He just found out he wasted his entire fucking high school career. Also, he really, really hates Lee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this probably wasnt funny so sorry for that crime against humanity but comment anyway?
> 
> my tumblr is @[hotgirlsakura](http://hotgirlsakura.tumblr.com)
> 
> if you really liked this, check out the links on my blog


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